Be Cautious or Be Brave?

Be CAUTIOUS or be BRAVE?

Yesterday I was invited to a birthday party for my niece in West Salem, WI. I could have jumped in the truck, hit the freeway, set my cruise control on 73 MPH, and arrived in around two hours. Or, since the weather looked good, I could jump on my Spyder and take the scenic route up to the party.

The Spyder.  I call her Charlotte.  Get it?  From Charlotte's Web?

As soon as I started to entertain the idea of riding the Spyder, I started to cook up reasons not to ride it. What if I broke down – or worse – got in an accident? It's such a long ride. My longest ride to date has been around 1.5 hours. This would be closer to 2.5 hours ONE WAY. What if I get too tired? Is it a good idea to ride that far all by myself? I had just about talked myself into just taking the truck when the question popped into my mind: Are you going to be cautious or are you going to be brave? Or, to borrow a line from the original Aladdin movie: Am I Sultan or am I Sultan?

Then it occurred to me that the truck could break down or be involved in an accident just the same as the Spyder. If it happens on the Spyder, I would just have to do the same things I would do if it happened with the truck. As for getting tired, well, I didn't have anything else to do on Saturday. I literally had the whole day free to do whatever I wanted to do. What am I saving my energy for anyway? I thought, “To hell with it! I'm riding the Spyder!”

You know what? I was REALLY tired Saturday night. My hands, arms, and shoulders were pretty sore. Riding motorcycle is very interactive after all! I am also ridiculously, unrelentingly happy. I had a great ride through some of the prettiest country in southwest WI. It was both peaceful and exciting. I did get a little tired on the way back, so I stopped at an antique store and found a really cool Pepsi sign. I asked the owner about the sign. He told me it wasn't very old, probably from the 1970's. So I said, “That's perfect! I'm also from that 1970's. That means I'm not very old either!” :) I also stopped at a farmer's market and picked up some fresh local strawberries. I did get caught in three little rain showers on the way home, but that just added to the challenge and gave me reasons to stop and wait out the showers and rest.

This sign and I aren't very old.  Yay!

It would have been really easy to stay inside my comfort zone and drive the truck. It would have been nearly effortless and would have saved some time. But, saved time for what, exactly? Riding the Spyder that far by myself was stretching the limits of my confidence. The thought made me rather nervous. I have found that most often true happiness lies somewhere just outside the outer limits of my comfort zone. The joy is in the doing and overcoming. Sometimes folks think that if they could just be comfortable, content, and stress free, they would be happy. I find that I need a bit of stress, a bit of a challenge to be happy. It is nice to return to comfort and relax, but you cannot really appreciate that unless you stretch and become uncomfortable once in awhile. When faced with the choice to be cautious or be brave, I like to try and be brave every now and then. Turns out my happy place is just at the outer limits of my comfort zone in a place I've never visited before.

The speedometer on the Spyder goes up to 200 MPH.  I'm not THAT brave!  Such a fine line between brave and stupid.

Okay, Now What?

I have 1.3 million things to do, and I'm frozen. Okay, I don't literally have 1.3 million things to do, but it sure feels like it. I know I should be doing something – anything – just pick something from the list and move! Still, I can't seem to figure out what to do next. It's like I have paralysis by analysis except I've left out the analysis. If I did the work to think about and set my priorities, I wouldn't be stuck standing in my kitchen staring at my to-do list wondering, “What next?”

Setting priorities is important because if you do not figure out what is meaningful and important in your life, you will have trouble managing your time. On the surface it seems simple to just do the the next, most important thing, but that can be really ambiguous sometimes.

Who establishes what is and is not a high priority? Who has the final say in differentiating what needs to get done and what I want to work on? What is a high priority for me may not be very important to my spouse. We work hard to talk things out and compromise when necessary, but I still feel guilty when I sit down to read a book or write a blog post. I know that she does not mind when I pursue these interests. Still, when I use my time on these purely selfish endeavors, I worry that she'll be wondering if this is why the lawn is getting so darn long or lamenting that I haven't even started building our new fire pit yet. Priorities require sacrifice, investment of time, and resources. I am willing to make the sacrifice and invest the time. The problem is that I'm only one person. I am a limited resource!

Societal expectations also play a large role in setting our priorities. I know a person who is very fussy about keeping her lawn mowed. In May and June she might mow lawn twice per week. She also uses a lawn sweeper to pick up her grass clippings. She sometimes will lament how much work this is. She, too, has a lot of other things to get done, so I asked her once why she spends so much time on her lawn when it doesn't seem to be bring her any additional joy. Isn't mowing one time per week enough? She explained, “I just don't want my neighbors thinking it looks like a hay field over here.” In my case, I want my lawn to look nice, but I'm not willing to commit the time to mow twice per week and use a lawn sweeper. Honestly, I would be surprised if my neighbors thought much about my lawn. I know I don't have time to think about theirs!

When I get stuck like this, life seems to play in fast-forward while I am stuck in slow (or no) - motion. I feel like life just keeps throwing things my way and I can't juggle all of the tasks I know I need or want to accomplish. I've tried trying to speed up to match the perceived pace of life, but I can never match or maintain the increased pace. Of course I can't. Life hasn't actually started going faster. I've just fallen into the trap of freaking out about it! I need to slow down, take a deep breath, and just give this a bit of thought. (Heather, do NOT pick up that phone! Now is no time for distractions!)

First, I need to separate my responsibilities from my hobbies. Building the fire pit? Responsibility. Reading my book? Hobby. Then I need to examine how I feel. Did I get enough rest? How does my back feel today? The answer to these two questions dictate much of what I can and cannot manage from day to day. Next, what is the weather like? I simply can't mow lawn or build a fire pit if it is going to rain all day long. That's probably a good time to work on my writing or enjoy a good book.

Once I have established what is required, I need to be honest and ask myself, “Is this realistic for me in the time frame I have established?” Maybe I need to adjust the time frame. Maybe I need to ask for help or hire a professional. A very dear friend pointed out to me once that just because something must get done does not mean that I, personally, have to do it. It was like I was fumbling in the dark looking for a light when suddenly she hit the switch for me! Asking for help or hiring someone is not weakness. It is a form of efficiency. It allows me to keep things on track and focus my energies where they are most needed.

Okay, good. The analysis is starting and it's helping quite a bit. Everything is fine. There is no rush. I am the one exerting this pressure on myself, and I don't need to do that. Yes, I need to check in with my spouse and make sure our expectations are aligned. No, I do not care what my neighbors think about my lawn - if they are thinking about it at all.

I find that I accomplish more when I slow down and be deliberate than I do when I rush from here to there only getting each task 80-90% complete. Do your job. Do it well no matter how long that takes. Don't cut corners or take short-cuts. When you have it, enjoy your free time and pursue the hobbies that thrill and invigorate you.

Here's the really good news. Sure, you have to consider others and balance your priorities with the expectations and priorities of those also invested in the outcome. However, at the end of the day, YOU are the one who gets to decide what your priorities are. If you take longer than expected completing a project, that's okay as long as you are happy with the result and you clearly communicated the reason for the delay completing the project. If you asked for help or hired someone to do something for you, that is a sign of self-awareness not weakness. When deciding what is important to you, don't let what a stranger or acquaintance might think derail you. Above all, be kind to yourself. Learn from your mistakes. Try not to repeat them. You are a work in progress after all. Enjoy the work and celebrate the progress!