The Words You Are Looking For Are...

A quick note before we dive in. I am not the first person to write about this topic. I did a quick Google search, “women apologizing,” and got a long list of great articles on the topic. If you are interested in reading more, fire up the Google and get to work!

The other day I was in a restaurant and needed to use the bathroom. I opened the door and walked in. There was another woman in there waiting for a stall to open up. The first thing she did is look at me and say, “I'm sorry. I'm waiting in line.” I just smiled and said, “No problem.”

Later that night, I was at a concert and some ladies needed to get past me to get to their seats. They looked at me and said, “Sorry. Our seats are over there.” I stood up to let them by and smiled and said, “No problem.” Throughout the night, they apologized a bunch of times. “Sorry. I need to pee.” “Sorry. I need to get a beer.” “Sorry I'm dancing, but I just love this song!” I just smiled and offered my standard response, “No problem.”

I'm starting to think there IS a problem though. Ladies, you do not need to apologize for waiting in line in the bathroom, making your way to your seat, leaving to use the bathroom, leaving to get a beer, or having a great time at a great concert. You do not have to apologize for just simply existing in the world. Being polite does not mean you must repent. A simple, “Excuse me,” and a smile will convey the message just as effectively.

Along these same lines, I'm getting a tad tired of the whole, “resting bitch face” phenomenon. You are not required to plaster a smile on your face every second of every day just to set those around you at ease. Smile if you feel like it. Smile when you are truly happy. Maybe - just maybe - there are some people you do not smile at because you do not want to set them at ease. You have a right to not only exist without apology, but you do not have to smile at every person who crosses your path either. Perhaps I'm thinking about something important rather than grinning like an idiot. Maybe I'm not thinking of much at all. Maybe I am grinning like an idiot. Either way, it's none of your business!

I'm not saying that you should be curt and rude. Not at all. I think it is important to move through the world with kindness and empathy and joy. There is definitely a time and place where it is valid and necessary to be polite. In those cases, I believe the words you are looking for are, “Excuse me,” rather than, “I'm sorry.” Pair those words with a smile, and you might just be able to move mountains.

My Spirit Animal Is...

A plant. I don't think my spirit animal is an animal at all. There have been times when I might have thought my spirit animal was a house cat or maybe the Dory character from Finding Nemo. Like a house cat, I would happily lounge around the house all day. I could really get used to just living to eat and nap like a house cat does. I don't really have short term memory loss like Dory, but I do get distracted easily! Look! Something shiny! I'll be right back... Lately, I've started to notice that there is one living thing that mirrors my mood and behavior almost exactly, and it isn't an animal at all.

I think my spirit animal is a plant. Specifically, a geranium. Yes, a geranium. Why? Well, let me explain. Growing geraniums is easy as long as you can give them what they need. So what do I, I mean, what does a geranium need? It need lots of light and warm temperatures. Simple, right? Well, maybe not so simple this far north of the equator.

Last summer my geranium and I were doing great! Lots of sunshine and warm temperatures were good for the both of us physically and mentally. Well, I can't speak to the plant's mental health, but I felt pretty good in that respect, and the geranium was blooming like crazy.

Then, little by little, the days kept getting shorter and shorter. Before either of us knew it, there just wasn't enough warmth or sunlight to keep us humming along. As we entered Fall, and began the holiday gauntlet, the geranium and I started to show signs of distress.

After the holidays, we were both running on fumes. The plant didn't have any blooms left and only about 3-4 green stems could manage to support green leaves. As for me, well, my energy and mood cratered. If I could, I would have just stayed in bed and waited for Spring. Unfortunately, I had to get up and try to keep that damn plant alive among my many other chores and responsibilities.

My geranium in late February 2019. At this point it's actually starting to look better!

Luckily as we rounded into March and headed into Spring, the plant and I both started to perk up a bit. The bright red blooms returned with the ever lengthening days, and so too my mood and energy rebounded as well.

My geranium mid-April 2019. What a difference a little sunshine makes!

Now that we are almost to the middle of May, we are both back on top of our games. It is time to take advantage of the longer days and warm temperatures! I've got projects and vacations planned and cannot wait to storm into Summer 2019 with a vengeance.

Next Fall, I just have to keep an eye on the geranium. When it starts to loose its blooms, I'll know it is time for me to start conserving energy as well. My Fall 2019 Resolution (as opposed to my New Year's Resolution – who says resolutions are a one time a year thing anyway?) is to recognize my limits and set clear boundaries about what I have the energy to enjoy and when I need to just dial back on my schedule and rest. My spirit plant has shown me that getting through winter doesn't have to be such a bummer. I just have dial back my ambition a tad and honor my body and its need to rest. We'll both bloom again in the Spring!

Welcome

Hello, and welcome to my blog - The Jibber Jabber Machine!

Jibber jabber is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as rapid and excited speech that is difficult to understand. Those of you who know me well know that I tend to slip into this pattern of speech pretty easily when I get excited about something. Sometimes when my wife is driving and having a hard time staying awake, she'll ask me to fire up the jibber jabber machine to help keep her awake. It only takes a bit of a prime and a couple pulls on the starter rope, and I'm off pontificating on any number of wide ranging topics. I am very seldom at a loss for words.

I've kicked around the idea of starting a blog for a long time now. Conventional wisdom in the blogging community holds that a blog should have a single focus or topic. The problem I've had over the years is trying to hone in on something specific. I have a lot of different interests over a wide range of topics. The problem, it seems, is that I lack a single passion that is the driving force in my life. I used to think this lack of passion was a weakness or fault, but as I get older, I'm starting to believe that having one true passion that drives you is probably rather rare. The saying goes that if you follow your passion, you won't have to work a day in your life. However, when I look around, most of the people I know definitely work for a living! I'm not sure following your passion is the best advice I have ever heard. In fact, it can probably even be a barrier to living your best life.

A few months ago, I was listening to an episode of Oprah's Super Soul Sessions with Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love fame. After the success of that book, Ms. Gilbert became a guru of sorts. People wanted to tell her their stories and ask for her advice. For a long time, she encouraged people to follow their passion. After all, writing is Elizabeth Gilbert's passion, and look how it worked out for her! One day a woman who had heard Ms. Gilbert speak wrote to her and let her know that advice was both hurtful and rather unhelpful. What are you to do when there isn't one single force that drives your every action? It is a tough question for sure. Now, instead of encouraging people to follow their passion, she encourages people to follow their curiosity.

That advice, that simple shift in perspective, has been quite helpful for me. It spurred me to believe that my blog doesn't need to have one narrow focus. Instead, this blog will chronicle my journey simply following my curiosity. I'll write about books I've read, music I dig, movies that inspire my creativity, and also include snippets from diaries that I've started keeping during my various projects around the house. It'll probably cover some other stuff too. I get distracted by shiny objects very easily! If you are interested and amused, I invite you to come along on the journey. I don't really know where I'm headed, but I'm determined to have a great time getting there!