The Words You Are Looking For Are...

A quick note before we dive in. I am not the first person to write about this topic. I did a quick Google search, “women apologizing,” and got a long list of great articles on the topic. If you are interested in reading more, fire up the Google and get to work!

The other day I was in a restaurant and needed to use the bathroom. I opened the door and walked in. There was another woman in there waiting for a stall to open up. The first thing she did is look at me and say, “I'm sorry. I'm waiting in line.” I just smiled and said, “No problem.”

Later that night, I was at a concert and some ladies needed to get past me to get to their seats. They looked at me and said, “Sorry. Our seats are over there.” I stood up to let them by and smiled and said, “No problem.” Throughout the night, they apologized a bunch of times. “Sorry. I need to pee.” “Sorry. I need to get a beer.” “Sorry I'm dancing, but I just love this song!” I just smiled and offered my standard response, “No problem.”

I'm starting to think there IS a problem though. Ladies, you do not need to apologize for waiting in line in the bathroom, making your way to your seat, leaving to use the bathroom, leaving to get a beer, or having a great time at a great concert. You do not have to apologize for just simply existing in the world. Being polite does not mean you must repent. A simple, “Excuse me,” and a smile will convey the message just as effectively.

Along these same lines, I'm getting a tad tired of the whole, “resting bitch face” phenomenon. You are not required to plaster a smile on your face every second of every day just to set those around you at ease. Smile if you feel like it. Smile when you are truly happy. Maybe - just maybe - there are some people you do not smile at because you do not want to set them at ease. You have a right to not only exist without apology, but you do not have to smile at every person who crosses your path either. Perhaps I'm thinking about something important rather than grinning like an idiot. Maybe I'm not thinking of much at all. Maybe I am grinning like an idiot. Either way, it's none of your business!

I'm not saying that you should be curt and rude. Not at all. I think it is important to move through the world with kindness and empathy and joy. There is definitely a time and place where it is valid and necessary to be polite. In those cases, I believe the words you are looking for are, “Excuse me,” rather than, “I'm sorry.” Pair those words with a smile, and you might just be able to move mountains.